Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
