why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
