I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
