You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize