hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
