Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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