as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
