the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
