Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
