You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
