The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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