Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
