A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
