Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
