did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
