I'd wear matching sweaters with you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
