Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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