He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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