I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
