if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
