i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
