Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am mentally ready for anal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
