Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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