We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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