So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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