Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm going to jail i love you
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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