Quick, to the slutcave!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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