why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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