his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
