somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
