Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
