I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
