There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I supernannyed him into submission
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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