Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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