if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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