Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you had me at cake vodka
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
