I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
