I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
