You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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