he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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