My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
