i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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