If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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