There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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