she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
