I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
