Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
