help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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