Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
