Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
