My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize