If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
