pedialite and red bull = repair kit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
