My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
