My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
