he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
