your parents love me but you hate me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
