walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They took my balls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
