so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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