My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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