I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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