I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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