How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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