On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
