used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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