You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize