On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
