Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
