Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
