Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
