If that was your dad, he is hot
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
